October 5, 2005

  • I've been reluctant to post this week because a few days ago, the husband of a girl I've known since 7th grade passed away suddenly.  They got married in March and she is pregnant with their first child.  I didn't know him very well (I met him once and wasn't able to attend their wedding), but I know that they were like the happiest couple on earth!  And that he made her deliriously happy.


    I wanted to dedicate this post to both of them and I've been trying to write a decent post for the last few days now.  I tried to write about suffering and grief; why I still believe God is good despite tragedies; why we need God so much because of these tragedies, etc, etc... but everything I wrote seemed really contrived. Stupid.  Silly.  Frivolous.


    Having never personally experienced tragedy myself, I can't understand what she's going through at all.  And the worst part is that there isn't much we can do for her.  I did call her and told her I was thinking about her and praying for her.  Three of our friends were there a few days after to support her.  But her suffering and grief?  She has to go through that alone.  Another friend reminded me of how heartbreaking that is. 


    So, I looked to a couple I know who has also experienced great suffering and pain as well, and this is what they posted one time.  So I'm just posting it as well, not as a person who understands it firsthand, but knowing that they found meaning and perhaps comfort in these words during their time of need. 


        The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away,may the name of the Lord be praised. 


    Job1:21


     


    Yet when I hoped for good, evil came


    when I looked for light, then came darkness.


    The churning inside me never stops;


    days of suffering confront me.


    I go about blackened, but not by the sun;


    Job 36:26-28

Comments (11)

  • my prayers go to your friends. i hope you're doing okay with all of this, too. we heard a message today at our Missions Empahsis Week chapel and Roland Werner said that missions was joy! i hope you're finishing out strong and being filled with His joy there, despite tragedy.

  • man... there are no words... ahrim, you wrote this well and with much wisdom...

  • Sorry to hear about your friend. 

  • this is so heartbreaking.  every death is, but the long history you share with your friend and the baby that's on the way just make this all the more tragic even for a complete stranger to hear.

  • i'll be thinking of your friend and praying for her.  my mom passed away almost 3 years ago now, but i still think of the loss constantly.  never really goes away and i think i'm still in a bit of a life-slump from it.  hopefully your friend will deal with this in a healthy way .. your support means alot to her, so keep doing what you're doing - even if she doesn't realize/appreciate it now, she definitely will later on down the line.

  • I'm so sorry about your friend.  I don't understand things like that, either.  have you ever read Christ in Concrete?  it's an early 20th century American book, and it kinda demeans Job's story, and the way Christians will blindly deal with anything, ignorantly enduring suffering 'til they've been beaten down to the lowest point-- because they believe Christ endured so much more.   it's so strange how 2 people can look at one thing & see such different things.  I think the same goes for when people suffer.  some people see meaningless pain, others see something else.  I agree: getting to the point of understanding what that "something else" is is the hardest part.

  • i like that passage from job. i find that it's very hard to deal with other people's losses because we are lucky enough to not have experienced it first hand. but, i think just knowing that you're there for her is all you can do.

    i think it's very hard to keep ones faith during times like this -- "why would god be so cruel?" "how can we have faith in someone that would bring this much pain upon someone?" i know i wasn't very good at it for other reasons. but, the strength in your faith does touch those who may have lost faith in god -- like me.

  • unfortunately, there really is no other way but to go through the grief and the pain.  it is a very lonely process, but the burden of grief can be shared by those who are willing to help carry her through this trial.  just keep loving her and praying for her.  we'll be praying too.

  • 'a grief observed' by c.s. lewis might be a good read if you and/or your friend have not read it. it's a collection of his journal entries after his beloved wife died of cancer. he is so real and honest in his emotions and so unabashedly wrestles with God during this period of pain and loss. it is really one of his best books, in my opinion.

  • i'm not sure what an appropriate interval of time would be before your friend is up for reading books on grief and faith, but i agree that A Grief Observed is an extremely helpful read. another one that a pastor once recommended is Lament for a Son - it's another really honest account of someone's struggle with faith after losing a loved one.

  • Gah - wow, that sounds so painful.

    I actually have heard that journalist interviewed on our local NPR station - it was super-interesting. He came out with a book, right?

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