Place: Washington Mutual, Midtown Manhattan
I am waiting for my sister to finish doing her banking when I notice a man carrying a very cute, furry, black dog. So I “awww” it and the man stops. He lifts the dog up and faces it towards me.
Me: what kind of dog is it?
Man: (kind of loudly and strangely) It’s a BIRTHDAY DOG!
Me: . . . . . . . .
My Current Occupation: Bum-hood
May 2nd, my former boss offered me a job.
Almost a week later, I accepted.
And a few days after that, he submitted the paperwork.
But the paperwork is stuck at the venerable Office of Management and Budget, where I used to work. Since mid-May!
We expected it to take a MONTH, but 2? A bit crazy. I talked to my boss’ secretary today and we talked about how crazy this is.
BUT, I have to say that I have really enjoyed having so much “rest” before starting work… I think I needed it.
I’ve had time to readjust back to living in the crazy, wonderful, loud, dirty city of NEW YORK. And thankfully, I had money saved up and am living in a very affordable apartment.
And if I start, let’s say, next week, I have to do jury duty on July 9th! Ha ha.
STEEP Learning Curve
This past week, my good friends from Uzland (Americans) came to visit and we got to spend four days together! We saw: Times Square, Toys R Us, Central Park, The Museum of Natural History, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the Brooklyn Bridge, Chinatown, and FAO Schwartz. We ate at: Malecon, Westside Diner, Joe’s Shanghai, Funky Diner, Mezzogiorno, and a hot dog cart. We also ate a lot of bagels. We walked A TON and took some taxis, too. I learned that travelling around with a stroller is very tiring. They learned that NY is a place where they would NOT want to live (they’re from Washington State originally)… but had a good time anyway. I learned that the question “how far is it?” is hard to answer when you’re with tourists… and they learned that “not very far” was actually “kinda far” when it came to their feet… They learned to cross the street even when the sign said “no walk” and to jay walk. They learned that everything good here has a line. I also learned that even though the VAN Yellow Cabs have room for five people, they cannot take five because they’re insured only up to four. There were actually six of us – three adults, two girls, and one one year old…so I repeatedly had to convince taxi drivers to take all of us…
Urban Legends
And a final story: as I mentioned above, we ate bagels every day. I told them that the bagels weren’t the same anywhere else and proceeded to explain that it was a water thing. As I’m telling the story, the papa of the family – D – started howling with laughter. I kept a straight face, really serious and a bit annoyed that he was laughing at this theory! ‘Cause really – I’ve never had bagels as delicious as NY bagels. Anyway, after I finish, he explains to me how in Uzland, bakers of Samarkand “non” (bread) would tell him how the Samarkand non couldn’t be replicated anyplace else because of the water in Samarkand (Samarkand non, which I don’t like, is much denser than Tashkent non)… but it turns out that, logically, the RECIPE of Samarkand non was completely different… that there was some additional ingredient in the non that made it different. So – ha ha – all of us who believe that somehow NY water makes a difference in the bagels (and incidentally, the pizza as well)… are just as gullible as the Uz. peeps who have some seriously strange urban legends… what do you think NEW YORKERS and former NEW YORKERS?
Some other Uz urban legends/beliefs (not necessarily Uz in origin, but ones that people in Uz believe):
– putting a bird in your courtyard (all Uz homes have them) will keep diseases from entering your home because the bird will absorb it first
– if you stand in the path of crosswinds, you’ll get sick
– anything REALLY cold makes your throat sick (*I personally think that the Soviets made this one up so that people wouldn’t demand refrigerators and/or freezers)
– sitting on the cold floor makes a woman infertile (a friend of mine was told repeatedly by her doctors that she wasn’t able to get pregnant because of all the times she went camping and slept on the cold hard floor)
– uncovered heads also lead to sickness
– injections are the best way to administer medicine
– sheep butt fat is good for you (I don’t know if they believe this, but they seem to..)
– a salad isn’t a salad without mayonnaise in it (not really a legend… but more like a belief.. ha ha)
This summer is a slow one for me as far as weddings go – only 4 for me this year… but a friend of mine recently asked me some questions about weddings… (i’ve been to around 30 weddings so far in my life… I think that’s probably average, right?)
What have you learned from going to all these weddings?
– the more you plan ahead, the less stressed you’ll be on your wedding day. everything still might not go perfectly, but at least you’ll have everything ready.
Have you been in many?
– I’ve been a bridesmaid in four weddings. The one I remember the most is my friend Misti’s. She asked me to be a bridesmaid at the last minute. I flew down to N. Carolina, and the dress didn’t fit so someone had to tailor it. Just as we were finishing, the zipper broke, and the tailor had to SEW the dress on me. WILD! To get it off, we just .. .rrrripped it off!
What is the most interesting thing you’ve seen at a wedding?
– At Yo’m Paul’s wedding in Chicago, both his parents walked him down the aisle. That was cute.
What was the worst thing?
– at one wedding, one of the bridesmaid looked back at the audience in absolute HORROR as the reader read “wives, submit to your husbands”…
What was the most fun wedding you’ve been to?
– every wedding has their own fun! but good music + a little bit of wine = lots of fun.
Recently, at my cousin’s wedding, my sister and the brother of the groom did a dance off. That was amazing.
What was the most irreverent wedding you’ve been to & why?
On the scale of irreverence (1 being lowest, 10 being highest) what irreverent thing rated at marker?
– see “what was the worst thing”?
Other memorable moments/notes/trivia:
- When I worked for the City of New York, we all had to be part of the Emergency Command Station staffing schedule. This meant that one weekend out of the year, we would be “on call” in case there was some emergency and therefore you weren’t really supposed to go out of town. Well, turns out that my friend was having his wedding around 1 1/2 hours away from the City on the day that I was on-call. But you think “what could happen?”… so I went anyway. Of course, I get out there… and I get a call… the Con Ed station had blown up and I had to drive back to the City to help out. I drove back out the next day and celebrated at their post-wedding brunch…
- UZ weddings are always memorable, especially the dancing!
- Learning how to bustle a VERY expensive and beautiful V. Wang dress.. (it was a bit nervewracking at first, but I was able to do it on the wedding day!)
- Indian weddings are so crazy and so fun.
- The groom rapping to the bride at the reception… and it seemed like a perfectly normal thing for a Korean-American man to do…
- I’ve been to TWO weddings at the same reception place. Actually, I went to a wedding and then recommended the reception hall to my friends who also had their reception there! (NY)
- The pastor giving a sermon called “men are like waffles; women are like spaghetti..”…
- I LOVE CHINESE WEDDING BANQUET FOOD (especially mayonnaise walnut shrimp)
I really really really really really really like John Mayer.
I like his music. I like his lyrics. I like his look. I like his voice. And I am warming up to his freakish sense of humor.
We’ll just forget about the fact that he dated J. Simpson for, what my sister calls them, her “chut-neys”.
-had a talk with my old man/said “help me understand”/he said “turn sixty-eight/you renegotiate
-pain throws your heart to the ground/love turns the whole thing around
I particularly love the way these lyrics match with the music.
His first album – Room for Squares – and his latest – Continuum – are my favorite so far.
My normal routine nowadays when I get into a cab is to look to see if the driver is Muslim. If I’m alone, I chat with the guy… I love chatting with cabbies about Islam.
Today, I noticed that the cabbie’s name was “Makmat-OV Rakhim”… and I thought to myself “could he be? could he… be… perhaps… Uzbek?” (the way to tell is that the suffix -ov is Russian, meaning that he came from the former Soviet Repulic but the Makmat- part confirms that he isn’t Russian)…
I look at the nameplate. Then at him. Then at the nameplate. I want to say something, but for some reason, I’m a bit chicken. I notice that he has some cards with Hebrew on them so I wonder if he might be a Bukharian Jew …
I speak in Korean to my mom and aunt who are in the cab with me. I notice that when my aunt says “Kazakstan”.. he looks up. So finally, I ask him: “Are you from Kazakstan?”
“No, I’m from Uzbekistan!”
“Ya zhila v Uzbekistane!” (I lived in Uzbekistan!)
“Kto? Who? “
“Ya!” (Me!)
“Gdye? Qoylooq?” (Where? In Qoylooq – the area where Uzbek Koreans live..)
“Nyet – Besh Yogosch” (No, Besh Yogoch!)
“Do you know the meaning of Besh Yogoch!”
(proudly) “Yes ! Five woods!”
Cabbie smiles.
We speak in Russian a bit more… he tells me he left Uzbekistan 17 years ago (before the fall of communism!!) and hasn’t been back since. We lament about the usual things… the state of affairs over there… etc, etc… he complains, in almost perfect English, how hard English is.. I tell him how hard Russian is…
He drops us off and my mom, aunt, and I go to Saks.
“Dosvidanya! Spasibo!” (goodbye! Thank you!)
Gotta love this town. Neeeeeww YORK!
1. Get together with old friends:
2. Eat STEAK for LUNCH (at Del Frisco’s with Jo)
3. Catch an afternoon movie (Knocked Up – funny and a bit crude with a surprisingly positive and Hollywood ending)
4. Spend lots of quality time with Miss Lyla and Mr. William…
Downside to so much leisure time? Spending money, dinero, ddon, o-ka-ne, pul, dengi… without making any…
… a pharmacy in my neighborhood called “St. Jesus Pharmacy” …
And two celebrity sightings:
Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under) at Tea & Sympathy (with hubby and baby)
Rachel Weisz in front of a Japanese rest. in the E. Village
I’ve been eating some yummy vittels lately and I must expound on them here:
~ smoked swordfish / tomato / onion / cilantro / tortilla chips |
GUACAMOLE – spicy on request |
Here are some ways Uzland is more eco than the US and A:
1. very few fast food establishments… and even those that are, very few “take out” opps… therefore, less garbage….
2. ordinary people don’t paper napkins at home. they use towels. or pieces of fabric. or they just eat very cleanly.
3. paper plates? paper cups? plastic cultlery? ziploc bags? Only for the rich and rich.
4. plastic bags? plastic bottles? not thrown carelessly away – but used over and over and over again until they break.
5. take out coffee? Starbucks? FUGGEDABOUDIT.
6. newspapers? noone reads them.
Here are some ways the US and A is more eco than Uzland:
1. we don’t burn leaves on a mass scale (this seems less eco, but I’m not 100% sure)
2. we recycle. or attempt to, anyway.
3. we have regulations and laws that are supposed to limit emissions and pollution and all that good stuff… kind of.
4. we have hybrid cars. and more than 10 people have bought them! doubtful that old Soviet Ladas and Jhigulis are very eco…
hmmm… I’m stuck… I think that’s about it…
By the way, this is one of the COOLEST, BESTEST, WONDROUS things I’ve seen in a long time, and it’s sure to cost $1000232039203, but I think I’m gonna save me up my money and buy me one of these:
http://www.johnarndt.com/flowmain.html
EDIT:Any of you commentators heard of HERBS… like parsley, basil, marjoram…that’s what’s bein’ grown above… or at least, that’s what’ll grow in MINE (of course this WAS invented by a Dutch guy…)
… and later, maybe one of these.
